Paralyzed with Fear

31 03 2010

This last week has been very difficult- feeling a lot of internal resistance, voices from that past that have told me so many times-when like now I am in the flow of creative self expression- that I should STOP, bite your tongue, don’t speak your truth…or great harm will come to me and/or others.

While I know this is no longer happening – no one is actually telling me no – it still reaches up from the shadow and chokes me off, leaving me stuck and full of anxiety, to the point of panic attack.

I am working with this fear and have given it an image and have found that the thing cutting me off is the same thing that once brought me bliss. What was once pure and free has become a tarnished shackle. I know the “thing” itself is still pure, but has been coated with anger and pain. The act then, is a reversal of the process that contaminated it – to now clear away all that does not belong and leave the pure essence behind. This imagery can be as simple as putting something dirty in the washing machine and pulling out the clean restored version. I have to repeat that the “light” is not broken or faulty, rather it is whole and complete, and the obstruction is all the attachments and associations that cling to this light and make it only appear dim or weak.

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