Fuck

22 05 2010

Fuck everything. I have tried and tried and tried and I have failed. Apparently there is an aspect of myself that is stronger than I and it’s got me licked. I’d give up and throw in the towel but there is nothing left to give up and there is nowhere to go. I’d really like a victory in my life right now, the only victory that matters, the only one that counts – and that is victory over self. Otherwise I am being torn apart from the inside out, from this demon that lives within – I have seen the enemy and he is me.

As the lost scripture reads: “If you don’t bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will destroy you. If you do bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will save you.”

I have so much within me and I do want to bring it all forth but I’m really having a terrible go at that, as I am left to my own devices and it remains trapped inside, despatately seeking expression…and it’s fucking killing me.

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